Published On: Mon, Apr 13th, 2015

Reminders for divorced moms and dads

Share This

Reminder #1 – Provide a stable home environment: Stability and structure are important to all children. Multiply that by a thousand if a child’s parents are divorced. Divorce is disruptive and unsettling for children. So you need to be sure to do your part to keep their world as calm as possible. Your child doesn’t want you to operate like Britney Spears or Robin Thicke. Your child wants parents that are normal – even boring – and responsible so they feel like the grownups in their lives have things under control. So drop off your kids and pick them up from school on time. Continue to have family dinners, pack your children good lunches and feed them wholesome breakfasts. Have a tidy, well-run home. Make sure that both you and your home are a dependable source of comfort for your children, Huffington Post reports.

Reminder #2: Divorce is never an excuse for bad behaviour or poor school performance: Life can be hard and unfortunately, having divorced parents is not the worst thing your child is going to endure. So allowing your child to use divorce as an excuse for doing poorly in school or for bad behaviour sets them up for failure. Why? Because kids need to learn to meet their responsibilities regardless of their circumstances. The best gift you can give your child is to teach them to live a No Excuses Life. If you demand good behaviour and grades even in the midst of a divorce, your children will meet those expectations. They will learn that they need to work hard and do what is right, even when they are having a bad day. That is a lesson they will carry with them for the rest of their lives.

Reminder #3: Be yourself, not a “pretend” parent: Your kids know what type of parent you are. You may be strict. You may be frugal. You may be a neat freak. It doesn’t reassure your kids to see you become a Disneyland Dad or Toys R Us Mom after the divorce, if you were a different parent before it. If you were strict, it doesn’t help your kids to suddenly take a loose approach to behaviour. Kids see through that, and the message they get is this: “Everything has changed. My parents aren’t going to guide me or set boundaries for me anymore.” Your kids want you to be the same parent you always were. That gives them more security than a splurge at the mall.

Reminder #4: Don’t disparage the other parent. Be his or her cheerleader: This piece of advice has been said so many times, that it borders on cliché. However, it bears repeating because every divorced parent has made this mistake. It isn’t enough to not say anything bad about the other parent in front of your children. You need to be the other parent’s cheerleader. Children need to feel proud of their parents. And they need to be reassured that their parents love them deeply. Those beliefs are the building blocks for your child’s self-esteem.–Agencies


About the Author